I've recently taken on more responsibility in terms of ministry to people who struggle with homosexuality. I have been asked to be an administrator for the ExodusYouth website. (www.ExodusYouth.net). Basically as I understand it, that entails moderating comments, replying to comments and questions by youth and writing articles to post on a regular basis. I'm all for this and honestly excited about the whole ordeal. Alan Chambers gave such a rousing speech at the leadership conference last month calling us all to work together and reach the lost. so, I stepped foward and asked how I can help... this is what I was given.

however, I cant help but feel like this ups the stakes for me. who knows who visits this site. people may very well start picking apart the things I write in my articles and debates may pop up? no longer can my writing be but vain musings of a kid seeking to live his life according to his faith, values and self schema, I feel like I really really have to know what I'm talking about. I feel like I almost have to be an expert in gay science and gay history. I guess I have to be an expert in "Queer Humanities." Its interesting because all my arguments are supported in gay litterature, I think a point can be better made if I refer to their own texts, and famous authors.

Just recently I started reading And The Band Played On by Randy Shilts detailing how the spread of AIDS came about. More of a book on public health, but still a famous gay author and a big book in gay and lesbian history. Though I'm only in the begining I'm already enjoying the book. A point stuck out in the book to me though, Shilts mentions Harvey Milk the first openly gay City Supervisor of San Francisco that was gunned down by another city supervisor. Harvey Milk seems to have been a remarkable man, there is one instance where an initiative was being brought up to make it illeagal for homosexuals to be teachers. Harvey Milk made a speech challenging everyone to "come out of the closet." His belief was that as long as homosexuals remained a silent population, an invisible people, they would always be oppressed. I can only imagine what that would look like for the Ex-Gay community?

Many ex-gays are satisfied to just be free of homosexuality. Most meet their loves, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. they are go on fully integrated into society, working as air traffic controllers, sports therapists, social workers, teachers and nurses. but nobody knows. how would the world believe the claims of Exodus? we tell the world there are thousands of people who have successfully left homosexuality, but no one really knows an "ex-gay." to the world it is a myth. They only see Alan Chambers on Tv. How can we expect them to believe? I wonder what would happen if everyone "came out of the closet?" I wonder what would happen if people all over the country could said... "you know... my neighbor three doors down used to be gay." or "I know this guy at my job that used to be gay" or "yea... theres someone who came out of homosexuality in my church." how would public policy be affected? how would sex ed be affected?

I love homosexuals. but history runs in loops, and many times the oppressed can become the oppressors. I worry about what can awaits us if we dont act. already there is such a battle to make reparative therapy a violation of the APA's code of ethics (perhaps punishable by the revoking of a therapists' license). It is all but expressly forbidden to spread the message in public schools that homosexuals can change. Never (not once) is an ex-gay portrayed positively on TV. I know so many people who were in the lifestyle for 10+ years because they never knew that Exodus or Ex-gays existed. they were told by the world that the only option they had was to be gay and accept it. These people were trapped in a lifestyle they never wanted because information was kept from them. I was almost counted among them.

Its so scary to let everyone in. to tell people our dirty little secrets. but the bible commands to "let the redeemed of the Lord say so!" as long as we stay invisible, we will be oppressed. some of the people fighting for us are ever-straight mental health professionals, but they can only do so much. they are being edged out slowly. we need to stand up and be counted.

*sigh* that my soapbox. I just wish the would could see through my eyes. I know so many people who have left homosexuality successfully. there is no doubt in my mind that sexuality is fluid and changeable and that people have the right to determine which life they will lead. and it makes me upset that "the powers that be" would seek to strip us of that right. please people, be counted!

As a registered democrat and a Christian, last nights news struck fear into my heart. I have never before believed with such conviction that a man was so diserving of the office of the President of the United States. Never before was I so sure that he would win. It was almost as if America became a secret underground society. There we Obama signs all over Miami but walking down the street, standing in line at the bank, standing in line 3 hours at the polling station, my eyes would make contact with another person, and a gleam would be shared that almost said "dont worry, I am with you, I'm voting McCain too!" it was akin to Obrien from 1984. the glance from across the room that shouted "you're not alone! I see the truth too!" I was sure we were bigger than the media let on. I was sure that when rational America went into the voting booth, they'd secretly vote McCain because the choice would be obvious. I thought the choice would be so obvious that New York or California might even swing red. But that didnt happen. Barak Obama went on to win in a landslide election. My heart broke as I saw McCain concede and Sarah Palin with tears in her eyes. I could not believe it was over.

There are still fears. yes. There are fears about Obama's relationships with terrorists. Where he got all the funding for his campaign that eclipsed both Bush and Kerry's 2004 run combined. I fear his socialist tendancies and what how that would impact the country both in the short run but also the long run. I fear what the implementation of the "Fairness Doctrine" will mean for free speech. I fear what will happen to national security as nuclear proliferation becomes a greater issue and our relations with russia and north korea continue to deteriorate along with the notion of abandoning Iraq at the risk of creating a stew of resentment that will bite us in the...well, you know.

particularly I fear what the most liberal senator as president would mean for organizations I hold so dear. Organizations that have been integral to my walk in life. Particularly Exodus and Love In Action. As gay activists find a loyal friend in the Liberal President will the notion of "Change" ever be considered "Hate Speech?" will my existence be considered "Hate?" will Gay marriage be accepted? and if it is, does my church have to officiate or face legal penalties for "Discriminating?" Will I still be able to say that homosexuality is a sin? or will we find that like in Canada, it is can be considered hate speech and I can face legal action?

There are alot of fears. But I must come to the realization that none of this has occured. as stands now, I must be proud that my country has finally moved past its dark past of bigotry and been able to vote for a black president. Truly last night a barrier was broken and it is more real to say as Americans to our children that: "yes, you really can be anything you want to be." I have many fears about my president, but I must rest in the grace of God. As I've often been told, "God gives you grace for the here and now, not for your imagination" he will give me the stregnth to stand true to Him today, and if ever the country takes a dark turn He will give me stregnth then too.

I find solace in one aspect of Obama's speech last night. He said, speaking to McCain supporters: "I may not have won your vote tonight, but I will be your president too."

well President Obama: My Name is Frank. I'm an American and like you a product of forign parents. My mother is a cuban exile and my father is colombian. I care deeply about Immigration reform as I have many dear friends that are illeagal in this country. I am also a Christian. and as I christian I stand against abortions especially Partial birth abortions. My twin brother was born still birth and sometimes I wish he was born alive, though he wasnt a product of an abortion, I know what its like to live with the knowledge that someone who should be alive is not alive. I believe humans have rights both in the womb and out.

I believe in the American dream. the dream that says I can be anything and anyone I want to be. but as you may know from your own struggles that is not a path easily taken. I myself have struggled with homosexuality and finding it incompatable with my faith, my values and my dreams I chose to leave that behind. I can respect a persons right to live their lives as they feel happy. for some it may involve being the the gay lifestyle, but for me it did not. respect and fight for my right to exist.

I am your constituency Mr.President... Its a pleasure to meet you.